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Cool As Ice
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by Universal Home Video
Sales Rank: 3117
Price: $92.99
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Reprising R. Lee Ermey's role from "Full Metal Jacket" this non-Kubrick directed sequel picks up 20 years after the original with Ermey's character now played by Vanilla Ice and living in South Central L.A. Having been kicked out of the army for literally skull-******* a cadet, (which we are shown in ghastly up-close detail in a sepia-tinged flashback)Ice is a private investigator who starts noticing weird signs appearing in shops in the neighborhood. After a trip to the elementary school library next to his office to look the writing up, he realizes that, yes, his old nemeses the Viet Cong are back and after his hood. Using his neon-yellow, talking motorcycle from the future (voiced by the sonorous and gentle Art Garfunkle) Ice eventually uncovers that the VC are infecting LA's gang-ridden slums with an ultra-powerful form of crack known as Ice-9. Determined to end the VC's reign of terror and win back America's honor after the left-wing inflicted defeat of Viet Nam, Ice and Garfunklebike beat down legions of VC thugs until finally reaching the gang's resurrected zombie leader, Ho Chi Minh (look for a young Jet Li in the role!), and defeating him in an epic battle royale with a little help from WWF fave Rowdy Roddy Piper. The movie ends with Ice and Garfunklebike riding into the sunset discussing name changes since his name is, like, now associated with a deadly form of crack. Though mustering little box-office support upon its release, "Cool as Ice" has since been consistently ranked highly on the AFL's list of 100 Greatest American Films. <br /> <br />FUN FACT: On his death bed Stanley Kubrick expressed regret that he had allowed this gem to slip through his fingers, suggesting that if he had helmed it as originally planned that it would have been ranked above, instead of below "Citizen Kane."
Viewer Reviews
Seriously though...
Vanilla Ice has the acting skills of a piece of driftwood.
Oh man, this movie is terrible. It's so terrible that I found myself cracking up the majority of the time. It's so mind-numbingly bad that I actually kinda liked watching it. But I just couldn't bring myself to give this crapfest a four or five star rating, no matter how many times I laughed at it. It's basically Vanilla Ice trying to be a neon-clad James Dean with fantastic pickup lines such as, "Drop that zero and get with a hero." Do I really need to say anything about that one? Didn't think so.
My favorite scene of the movie would probably be the one where he magically jumps his motorcycle over a fence without a ramp. Who needs physics? Not Ice.
So if you're bored (and preferably drunk and/or high), pop this cheesefest in your old VCR.
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Cool As Ice
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